


Brendon's Journal

by sophomorestump



Series: Band S/A [4]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Band Break Up, Break Up, Diary/Journal, Gay, M/M, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:17:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7427128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophomorestump/pseuds/sophomorestump
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometime in 2004, Brendon Urie starts keeping a journal. Shortly after, his band, Panic! at the Disco, begins to take off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brendon's Journal

**Author's Note:**

> you know the drill. publication date=when it was written.

November 4, 2004, 10:51 PM  
This year has been great. I can't believe that of all people, Brent suggested ME to be in his band. And I can't believe that they thought that I was a better singer than RYAN. Ryan has such a great voice. There's no way mine is better than his, but if they want me to sing, then YEAH I'm gonna sing, that's awesome! I just wish I didn't have to skip so many rehearsals to go to church. I bet 2005 is gonna be even better.

December 18, 2004, 7:28 PM  
Oh. My. God. I cannot believe this. We just got signed. Oh my God, oh my God. We've never even performed for anyone before! This is so crazy. Am I dreaming?! I must be dreaming. There's no way that we just got signed. This could be the start of something amazing. But we all have to drop our educations...I hope things end up okay.

January 5, 2005, 3:19 PM  
Things aren't going as great anymore. My parents kicked me out, so I'm staying with some friends. Ryan's father doesn't want anything to do with him anymore...but did he ever?

June 13, 2005, 4:34 PM  
I'm on a plane right now. Off to Maryland to record an ALBUM! Do you know how insane this is?

July 28, 2005, 11:56 PM  
Things aren't going great again...everyone is always fighting and I hate it. We're all holding crazy grudges against each other 'cause we're all sharing the tiniest apartment ever. Brent and Spencer share a bunk bed and I share one with Ryan. I just hope we get this album done...

September 27, 2005, 11:12 AM  
Our album is out today! Excited to see how things go.

December 10, 2005, 9:23 PM  
We finished recording our first music video yesterday and it was amazing. One day we were all getting a little lunch break and when Spencer and Brent turned their backs, Ryan and I ran off to some weird back room to eat. We talked and laughed the whole time and it was probably one of the most fun days all year. I'm glad things seem to be looking up. It was a rougher year than I thought but that seems to be over now.

May 26, 2006, 4:52 PM  
Brent is out of the band. I'm kind of happy...he didn't want to do anything. I was basically the bassist up 'til now. But good news, I don't have to be anymore! We have a new guy named Jon. He's a little older than all of us and comes off as very serious so at first he kind of intimidated me but now he's come out of his shell and he's awesome. I think things are gonna work even better now.

June 17, 2006, 11:52 PM  
Today was the first show of our very own headlining tour! It was so exciting, it was almost like a musical. It's so cool to have our very own tour bus, too. I'm bunking above Ryan and Jon is bunking above Spencer. I was nervous but everything went great! Afterwards we all hung out in the dressing room and Ryan and I were having such a great time talking that Jon and Spencer had to drag us back to the bus. I already love touring!

August 21, 2006 11:17 PM  
Today we played the Reading and Leeds Festival. It was so cool playing something that felt so big. People kept throwing bottles at us. I was really scared for Ryan and Jon so I tried to keep the bottles away from them but then I ended up getting hit with one. I blacked out and when I woke up Ryan was putting a cold cloth on my forehead. He hugged me and told me how worried he was and I took a minute to regroup and we ended up getting to finish our set. Nice!

September 1, 2006 2:01 PM  
Oh my God! We won a VMA yesterday! How crazy is that?! That our music video is now considered one of the best? Spencer and Jon were tired afterwards but Ryan and I stayed up all night talking so I'm exhausted.

March 6, 2007 10:10 PM  
Today we all travelled up to a cabin in the middle of the woods to write. It's not the greatest place. Ryan always complains and we laugh at him and I won't leave him alone until he admits the things he likes about it here.

August 16, 2007 5:31 PM  
Ryan brought up the idea of starting the album over. I was really upset because it was soooo close to being done but him and Jon and Spencer all talked it out with me and now I realize I never even really liked the album. So now Ryan is bringing it to the public that everything is getting scrapped. Now that I think about it, I don't care. I'm having the time of my life...so who cares if I have to do it again? I really like how things are going.

March 21, 2008 6:43 AM  
Pretty. Odd. is a go...woo!

April 10, 2008 10:57 PM  
Ryan was also the first to bring up the idea of changing the setting of our live shows from circus performance to flowers and "intimacy." I thought it was gonna be boring but I actually liked it a lot. But I feel like Ryan could give me the idea of cliff diving into an ocean full of sharks and I would like it.

June 27, 2009 9:08 PM  
So...Ryan and Jon left the band today...and I can't believe it. I mean...I kinda can, but...I had sort of pushed the idea out of my head, y'know? I wanted this to be forever...and especially Ryan, how he could just leave me like that...things are never going to be the same...

January 5, 2010 11:25 PM  
Today Spencer and I started recording for our new album, but it's not the same...

December 18, 2010 5:46 PM  
I know I had a rough first encounter with Dallon, but we're letting him in as an official member. We need some nice bass and I believe he can deliver that.

March 22, 2011 5:38 AM  
Our new album comes out today...I hope people are okay with it.

April 1, 2011 3:22 AM  
I miss you so much...I want you back with me and I want to laugh for hours like old times. I want to hold you and sing with you and write songs half-seriously just to have fun. I want to go out to lunch with you and throw fries at each other, I want to force you to smile in your worst times and you stand beside me in mine. I want everything we once had that you chose to throw away. We could have compromised, we could have made it work, we could have been golden, we could have lasted forever. But you decided it was best for you to distance yourself...how do you expect me to respect that? I worked so hard to keep everything together and you pushed me aside. I miss you so much.

April 1, 2011 12:08 PM  
No, that was stupid. Mental note to rip out that page.

April 2, 2011 11:36 PM  
I like touring right now...at least I get to do what I want with it.

August 7, 2013 10:49 PM  
Now even Spencer might be leaving, but I can't blame him for that.

October 8, 2013 3:09 AM  
Fourth album, out today...yay.

March 31, 2015 6:10 PM  
Spencer is officially leaving me...

June 2, 2015 7:51 PM  
I can't do this, every time someone gets close to me they end up leaving for one reason or another, I can't deal with this anymore...I think Dallon will just be a touring member...if I have to do this on my own, so be it, I can't be let down again...

June 5, 2015 6:07 AM  
I miss the way you always played your acoustic guitar in the silent moments.

June 6, 2015 5:16 AM  
I miss the way you always told me to shut up when I watched TV in my bunk late at night.

June 7, 2015 6:52 AM  
I miss the way we would sing together when we were bored.

June 8, 2015 8:47 AM  
I miss you...

June 9, 2015 3:30 AM  
No, you're still here. Right? This was all just a funny little joke. I'm going to walk outside and you're going to have decorated my whole living room and smash a cake in my face and tell me what a sucker I am to fall for such a thing. We're going to make music and be a happy little band again, with a happy Jon and a healthy Spencer, and everything is going to be okay.

June 11, 2015 3:31 AM  
Right?


End file.
